I've never had to juggle it before - I've never really worked and in the space of a few years I've gone from literally just seeing my doctor fortnightly - zilch, to working and volunteering around 25 hours a week.
It's quite nice having something to get up for but it backfires sometimes. I'm a people-pleaser and find it very hard to say "No". Frequently at the expense of my health. I get intensely busy for 2-3 weeks, then I end up crashing in bed for a few days with exhaustion and burnout, each time cursing myself for my inability to put myself first for a change.
Putting 'me' first is not a thing I find easy. I'd rather everyone else was happy, content and thinking well of me. I never stop to think that I have little quality of life, or that it's damaging my health, and it's only as these burnouts are becoming more regular and the depressions accompanying them more severe, I'm realising I've got to do something about the whole situation.
But it's not easy to keep everybody happy (myself included) or to get the right balance.
Not having any structure can be equally as bad. When I find myself with a much needed free day, again I find myself in bed because I'm so bloody bored and don't want to do anything. I don't see the point of being awake which leads to another depressive spiral doubled up with a nasty agitation.
So what's the answer?
I take more care now in planning my week and scheduling my appointments. I used to be buzzing about all over town to several meetings in one day, but now I put them on different days which leaves me with more energy.
I'm still a bit lazy about the exercise side of things, but as it really helps with the depression, stress, the agitations, my immune in general and will finally get my therapist off my back to do more, I intend to make a real effort to put gym time in my schedule!
I now take 2 days off every week. It's something I've found hard and which I'm still getting used to.
When you work, you usually have set days off and holidays, but volunteering can be a bit different and the line is more blurred. I used to find myself going for months and months without a proper break and often I got worn down by it all. Sometimes, the more you do, the more people expect.
Of course, it's going to take a while before I get the balance right. Things don't always work and it will take a little tinkering before I get a lifestyle I'm completely happy with.
I'm still experimenting, but the days I don't have structure I've learned that going back to bed is NOT AN OPTION! I oversleep by hours and then wake up with that crappy, fuzzy, sore head feeling that can last well in to the next day. If I really need a nap, I set my alarm for 15 minutes, have my quick snooze and get up and continue with my day refreshed.
It's OK to have a free day, but a planned free day to do the stuff I want to do and not just sitting around for hours thinking about the darker things in life or doing nothing! Not good for my brain! Don't get me wrong..sometimes I do sit around contemplating the darker stuff, but I have given myself permission to do it, and only for a set time. This way I don't feel so guilty about wasting my time. On free days I do not think about work.
It took a long time for me to learn to say "No", and as time passes it's become easier.
I told someone recently I was reducing my hours slightly to make more time for myself and I was quelled by a raised eyebrow and the look of disapproval - as if I had done something wrong! They had gotten used to my obliging ways, and it was taken for granted if anything needed done, Kip would do it.
The irony is, since saying "No", I seem to have earned myself a little more respect from others, and the self-respect I have gained from the knowledge that I am taking time for me and looking after myself has increased substantially.
Kerry.
Putting 'me' first is not a thing I find easy. I'd rather everyone else was happy, content and thinking well of me. I never stop to think that I have little quality of life, or that it's damaging my health, and it's only as these burnouts are becoming more regular and the depressions accompanying them more severe, I'm realising I've got to do something about the whole situation.
But it's not easy to keep everybody happy (myself included) or to get the right balance.
Not having any structure can be equally as bad. When I find myself with a much needed free day, again I find myself in bed because I'm so bloody bored and don't want to do anything. I don't see the point of being awake which leads to another depressive spiral doubled up with a nasty agitation.
So what's the answer?
I take more care now in planning my week and scheduling my appointments. I used to be buzzing about all over town to several meetings in one day, but now I put them on different days which leaves me with more energy.
I'm still a bit lazy about the exercise side of things, but as it really helps with the depression, stress, the agitations, my immune in general and will finally get my therapist off my back to do more, I intend to make a real effort to put gym time in my schedule!
I now take 2 days off every week. It's something I've found hard and which I'm still getting used to.
When you work, you usually have set days off and holidays, but volunteering can be a bit different and the line is more blurred. I used to find myself going for months and months without a proper break and often I got worn down by it all. Sometimes, the more you do, the more people expect.
Of course, it's going to take a while before I get the balance right. Things don't always work and it will take a little tinkering before I get a lifestyle I'm completely happy with.
I'm still experimenting, but the days I don't have structure I've learned that going back to bed is NOT AN OPTION! I oversleep by hours and then wake up with that crappy, fuzzy, sore head feeling that can last well in to the next day. If I really need a nap, I set my alarm for 15 minutes, have my quick snooze and get up and continue with my day refreshed.
It's OK to have a free day, but a planned free day to do the stuff I want to do and not just sitting around for hours thinking about the darker things in life or doing nothing! Not good for my brain! Don't get me wrong..sometimes I do sit around contemplating the darker stuff, but I have given myself permission to do it, and only for a set time. This way I don't feel so guilty about wasting my time. On free days I do not think about work.
It took a long time for me to learn to say "No", and as time passes it's become easier.
I told someone recently I was reducing my hours slightly to make more time for myself and I was quelled by a raised eyebrow and the look of disapproval - as if I had done something wrong! They had gotten used to my obliging ways, and it was taken for granted if anything needed done, Kip would do it.
The irony is, since saying "No", I seem to have earned myself a little more respect from others, and the self-respect I have gained from the knowledge that I am taking time for me and looking after myself has increased substantially.
Kerry.
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