BPD - Manipulation and Attention seeking.

Attention-seeking and manipulation 

This is a follow-on from my post An Episode from the Borderline -  Life with BPD.

BPD has a terrible reputation and stigma attached to it with regards to attention-seeking and manipulative behaviours in sufferers. There may be some who are like this, just as some everyday ordinary people are like this, but I've never encountered manipulative behaviour in the BPD sufferers I have met.

These are uncomfortable topics for me. I have been accused of both in the past and it really hurt. It's hard to admit, but to a certain extent the attention-seeking bit was true. It wasn't the "Hey, I'm so brilliant, look at me!" attention-seeking. It was the "Help, I'm in such desperate pain, nobody can help me, I don't know what to do and nothing is working.." 

Very different.

I hated it and I despised myself when I felt myself slipping in to it. 

It left a lasting negative impact on my confidence. 
Any triumphs, achievements, illnesses, successes etc, I now play down for fear of being labeled it again. 

I would disagree on the Manipulation one though. Manipulation requires a degree of cunning and planning and I'm just not capable of that mentally.

It is possible that whatever I was supposed to have done at the time was interpreted this way by someone inexperienced or uninformed or who didn't give a stuff, but unless I ask them, I guess I'll never know..

When I see others display attention-seeking behaviours. Instead of being quick to label, I look beyond their actions and ask myself, "What in their lives are they lacking that they feel the need for more attention?", and "Are they being neglected? Abused? Ridiculed? Criticised or bullied? Are they lonely or starved of love and affection?"

Somebody who has all their basic needs met, does not feel the need to act in this way. 

Maybe the person in question feels they can't ask for what they need - they might see it as a weakness to ask. Whatever has brought them to these behaviours is a desperate cry for help.

A baby cries when it wants something. It's natural and instinctive, but over time it is conditioned to suppress this.

We are social animals and all need attention, kindness, companionship, love, cherishing and nourishment, encouragement and support..

It's okay to want attention! Some people need more than others. I know I can be quite a needy person sometimes, and things can tumble if my basic needs aren't met..but that's just who I am.

The attention-seeking/manipulation reputation runs rampant in psychiatric hospitals....but I believe this is down to uninformed and inexperienced staff.

The BPD diagnosis itself comes with such a stigma..it's automatically assumed that you are going to be a non-compliant, troublesome patient if they see this in your notes.

I hope this will change..and I believe it is starting to.

In the past, I've been involved in talking to psych nursing students to banish some of that stigma and myths...it was a really positive experience, and I hope the next generation of psychiatric nurses will look beyond the diagnosis and see the person for who they are..