This week made it a year since I came off the psychiatric drug Mirtazapine. I can't believe how quickly the year has flown by - a huge roller-coaster of highs and lows, disasters and triumphs.
Has it been easy?
No. The withdrawal from the drug itself was horrible and took much longer than I ever thought it would - about 9 months, and even now it still takes a lot of fine tuning to balance my mental health week in, week out.
It's been quite a learning curve coming off the drug. I've had to relearn how to live my life without the drug and get to know what my body is telling me - what triggers bad episodes..what makes them better..what to do in a crisis, how to maintain good mental health and so on..
I still get huge crashes and depressions from time to time, but I've had to learn to cope with them medication free.
Yes, they are very scary when they happen, but I also know that they're the result of something in my life that isn't right. That might be stress, exhaustion, stuff at home, work, eating too much junk food, not enough exercise, too much or too little sleep, not having proper structure to my day or not enough meditation and "Me time".
Despite the difficulties, I've never regretted coming off the drug. Sometimes when the big crashes came I wondered if I had done the right thing - there were two instances where I seriously considered going back on it again. But I'm glad I didn't because like most of my crashes, they passed eventually.
All in all, I'd been on various forms of psychiatric medication since I was 19 and I think it will be some time before I work out how my body and mind function without the drug.
I'm still trying to work out a sleep pattern that a) doesn't leave me mentally exhausted but physically fine, or b) leave me physically exhausted but mentally alert.
Diet is another source of constant experimentation. If I succumb to an illicit bar of chocolate, I know I will pay for it a few days later with my crashing mood and lethargy which can take weeks to recover from. Likewise caffeine, bread, alcohol and anything with sugar.
I hope to have many more years medication-free, and I don't see how that shouldn't be a reality if I take extra care.
The hardest thing for me is finding the strength to overcome my "One won't hurt" frame of mind, because I know fine well that it only takes one!
All in all, I'd been on various forms of psychiatric medication since I was 19 and I think it will be some time before I work out how my body and mind function without the drug.
I'm still trying to work out a sleep pattern that a) doesn't leave me mentally exhausted but physically fine, or b) leave me physically exhausted but mentally alert.
Diet is another source of constant experimentation. If I succumb to an illicit bar of chocolate, I know I will pay for it a few days later with my crashing mood and lethargy which can take weeks to recover from. Likewise caffeine, bread, alcohol and anything with sugar.
I hope to have many more years medication-free, and I don't see how that shouldn't be a reality if I take extra care.
The hardest thing for me is finding the strength to overcome my "One won't hurt" frame of mind, because I know fine well that it only takes one!
Kerry.
Other posts of interest: Mirtazapine Withdrawal, Mirtazapine Withdrawal - 6 months on, Mirtazapine Withdrawal - 9 months on.
Other posts of interest: Mirtazapine Withdrawal, Mirtazapine Withdrawal - 6 months on, Mirtazapine Withdrawal - 9 months on.
Can I just say thank you for the work you've put into this blog. I've been off Mirtazipine for 5 months after taking large doses everyday for about 5 years also. The withdrawal has been really hard but now is getting easier. The worst of it now is the worry of "am I ever going to get better, am I broke and going to be sick with these wd symptoms for ever?" This blog has given me something the NHS has not and that is accurate information about what I'm going through and that there will be an end to it. I can not express how comforting that is when alone and confused with this problem. Doctors have been less than useless, its one thing them not being able to guide me with this process but to be completely ignorant and dismissive of our predicament when at the same time handing out this medication to vulnerable people is grossly negligent...yes irritability is a major symptom for me:)
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the day I take full responsibility for my situation and I'm grateful for the fact I can get medical help when its available. But I will never take ADs again.
For anyone finding themselves in the same predicament, my experience has been that my symptoms have mainly been itching, rashes, stomach discomfort, irritability, sweating/chills and sleeping problems. 5 months off tablets and it's mainly itching which seems to be coupled with a racing heart, dizzyness and sweating, not to mention emotional stress. From what I have read mirtazipine is like a strong antihistamine which can unbalance your stomachs production of natural histamine when coming off. So these symptoms are very much like allergy symptoms. But rather than been allergic I'm just unable to deal with my own histamine production.
Right now I'm tired with it and just needing to know there will be a full recovery from at least the physical symptoms I'm getting, this knowledge alone would be enough for me to fully accept my situation and get on with my life. Your blog has really helped me, 9 months is doable!:) Well done and thanks:)