Right old Scrooge, me.
The festive period is usually a happy time - a chance to put the diet on the back burner for a while, spend time with loved ones, eating, drinking and being merry, looking forward to a new year and perhaps setting a few intentions for the coming year.
Like many people with mental ill health, I find Christmas and New Year difficult.
For me, it is a time of intense loneliness and pain...dwelling on past mistakes, regrets and broken dreams rather than looking forward to what the future may bring.
It's hard to feel part of the festive cheer if you feel dead inside..too knackered even to crank the corners of your mouth up in to something resembling a smile.
Everyone is expected to be all jolly jolly which makes it worse because inside you are wondering "What is wrong with me?..I should be happy.." which then makes you feel shittier than you already did.
Then there was the palaver of having to muster the colossal effort of simulating some sort of emotion at "The opening of the Presents", feeling completely numb, my face having been set in stone for the last 6 months...
Christmas day can be a bit of an ordeal sometimes - it's better for me now I don't have the added stress of being anorexic and bulimic any more. But there were some Christmases in the past where I was so ill that I didn't really care if I got gifts or not. All I wanted to do was sleep and get the day over with as quickly as possible.
I think you'll be beginning to get the picture by now!...
I think I'd better stop before I start rambling on about the materialism and commercialism of Christmas and depressing you even further. That's for next year I think!
Baa Humbug.
But spare a thought for those, for whatever reason, who may find Christmas difficult this year.
Kerry x
(Incidentally, one of my best Christmases ever was spent alone in my flat, snuggly PJ's on, eating my favourite grub and watching my favourite movies). Fab!
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